A failure of confidence...
I would like to apologise for my long absence from this blog but this entry has probably been the hardest for me to write. My mother died on the sixth of September 2008: an event that has precipitated a review of my sometimes-stormy relationship with her and a wider reassessment of my life and my art. A common enough reaction I’m sure and one whose repercussions will no doubt be wide reaching and long term.
Sadly life goes on and commitments still have to be met. Less than two weeks after my mother’s death I flew to the USA to lead a photographic tour to one of my favourite regions, Death Valley and the eastern edge of the Sierra Nevada.
I made a number of images during the tour and, upon my return, waited for the delivery of the developed test sheets with the usual mixture of anxiety and eager anticipation. As I studied successive images a sense of deepening gloom enveloped me. Not one made me silently go “wow”, not one had “surprised” me. I consoled myself with the thought that whilst I had just been to one of the most amazing landscapes on the planet the events immediately preceding this journey meant that I hadn’t been in the best place mentally.
But, two months later on, I'm still struggling. I cannot honestly assign my creativity problems solely to the fallout from my mother’s death as I’ve begun to realize that my sense of dissatisfaction with my work preceded recent events. More often than not this year I've had the feeling that I've already "done" a potential image, already explored that set of tones or those forms or the underlying structure of that composition. A passing comment by a fellow photographer on the California tour served to reinforce this feeling. Looking at a composition that I had set up he casually remarked, “That’s how I would have expected you to make that image”.
Photography and what I write about it defines me to a large degree, so I always feel very despondent when I can't see images to make or when those that I can see I find unfulfilling. Having to struggle so hard to find and make images that satisfy me is an extremely discomforting experience. Don’t misunderstand me, I’ve never found it easy to make images that please me. In fact I’ve never felt entirely comfortable with my images (either for technical or compositional reasons) feeling that there’s always room for improvement. But how I feel now is different from this normal and artistically healthy self-critical attitude. On the past my habitual mild state of discomfort was always balanced by the joys of exploration and the possibility of making new visual discoveries. This time around it just feels like I’m revisiting familiar territory.
A couple of questions about my current predicament keep popping into my head… Should I actually be so worried about revisiting subjects and familiar compositional approaches? Do I really need to keep reinventing myself and/or embarking on explorations of new regions?
Photographers are both composer and performer of our art; a heady, concentrated mixture of creativity and craft. Many photographers – and many singer/songwriters – place as much, if not more emphasis upon craft than art. Their goal is to hone their “performances” in order to get as close to perfection as they can. They don’t worry that they are revisiting themes or subjects; they just want to do it better this time than last. I envy them their belief that this is such a worthy goal. I know from conversations with fellow photographers, and particularly with Joe Cornish, that one can get a great sense of achievement just from trying to perfect one’s craft. However I’ve always felt that this was the least interesting part of photography. I’m much more interested in vision than craft. To (badly) paraphrase Edward Weston, I believe that I need only be (just) a good enough technician in order to achieve my photographic goals. Obviously craft is important; a gross technical failure would make an image unusable. But the key for me is that I’ve only very rarely felt that I couldn’t make an image because I didn’t have the technical expertise whereas I have frequently felt that I couldn’t make an image because I didn’t know how to visually express a concept. There were a number of occasions on my recent trip to California where I was desperate to make an image but couldn’t find a composition that I felt did the subject justice. My vision was failing me rather than my craft. I could have made any number of visually acceptable images but these wouldn’t have satisfied me because they wouldn’t have challenged me or, I believe, an audience.
Joe believes that the landscape is different every time he visits it because there’s a different sky, a different light and a different angle to explore. I’m afraid that I don’t often find these differences compelling enough to hold my attention or make me want to make another image at a particular location. What excites me is the feeling that I have discovered a different way of seeing something. I’m not arrogant enough to believe that I’ve actually found anything completely new, that honour only falls on the shoulders of a tiny number of artists in any particular generation. No, the novelty I’m seeking is a personal one; I’m trying to find new ways for me to see. This is the essence of landscape photography for me. It’s not about a time and a place except in so far as they provide raw material. I strongly agree with Garry Winogrand that, “Photography is not about the thing photographed. It is about how that thing looks photographed.” And in order for me to feel satisfied, how it looks photographed must be sufficiently different that it surprises me. This distinctiveness isn’t a simple matter of different clouds or different light. My delight doesn’t come from merely chasing the weather or the light or crafting something more elegantly; my delight comes from chasing elusive visions and capturing them.
That vision is only very rarely pre-formed. Rather, the subject spontaneously suggests the vision. My photography is perhaps more akin to jazz than to classical music. I enjoy extemporising rather than performing from a score. Okay, you could say that all landscape photography requires improvisation. After all we need to adapt to the weather and light in order to use them to our advantage. But I think that there is a basic difference between this approach and my own. For a lot of landscape photographers these adaptations to conditions are not fundamental. They don’t start, as I do, from the position of studying the conditions and then deciding on what they will shoot. Instead, they start with a subject in mind and adapt how they will shoot it to accommodate the prevailing conditions. The excitement for me is to discover an image not to make better something I have already seen.
So I guess my current fear is not about revisiting subjects so much as it is about me losing spontaneity
I have recently voiced my present dissatisfaction with my images to my peers and received a sympathetic but generally incredulous response. To be praised for one’s work by one’s peers is, of course, always gratifying. In fact, I understand that such recognition would for many people be enough. Sad to say, I haven’t found it so. I cannot escape a feeling of staleness despite the positive feedback that I have received about the photographs in my latest images gallery. Please don’t think that I’m fishing for compliments here. I’m absolutely not and any comments on this entry that simply say, “the images are great”, won’t be published. I have found it very hard to square my audience’s opinion of my recent work with my own. I am aware that this mismatch in perception might just be due to my state of mind though I feel it to be more fundamental.
So, have I reached the end of one voyage of visual discovery and, if so, what does this bode for my photography? I’m not sure that I can answer either of these questions. If I have truly reached the end of one journey then you might expect a change in my photography, either in style or content or intent. I hope that this will be the case. If not I may reach an accommodation with myself so that I achieve more satisfaction from craft and don’t feel so frustrated about a lack of vision. Time will tell. For Roland Barthes the death of his mother was the impetus for perhaps his greatest work, Camera Lucida. I’m afraid that for me, at least at the moment, bereavement has only deepened an existing crisis.
Highlight this Comment Robert M. Teague14/12/2008, 04:53
David,
I can understand where you are coming from. I think at one time or another we all feel the same way - that something is lacking. Like you, I love shooting large format landscapes, but like you I've been feeling unhappy with my results of late. When those times happen, I'll often go back to shooting 35mm (I don't shoot digital) - it gives me a little time away, then I'm ready.
BTW, if it helps any, I just returned from a trip to the Philippines where I only took my Nikon F6 (and lots of film), but I also took your most recent book and spent my evenings reading it. Your book inspired me so that I am now frustrated that I haven't been able to get back to my LF work. I live in Hawaii, but the weather has been quite nasty of late - too wet to be out shooting anything.
Thanks for posting, I've missed reading your thoughts about the craft we both love.
Highlight this Comment Julian14/12/2008, 08:52
Hi David,
Oh dear, oh dear. That time of year again, is it? Another angst-ridden post about hitting a creativity plateau... Sometimes, I think you what you really need is a good slap. :-)
I do understand where you're coming from - if an artist is not pleasing himself with his work and instead is merely working to please an audience is he really an artist?
Obviously you need a break from image-making. Or at least, from image-making to please yourself as I realise a total break would be impossible. Ever considered a totally non-photographic project? How about developing your not inconsiderable writing skills in a completely different direction?
The point is, taking a break and putting your creative energies into something else would, when you finally do return to making images to please yourself, give you a whole new perspective.
And new perspectives seem to be what you are lacking. Ne c'est pas? ;-)
Highlight this Comment Colin Wilson14/12/2008, 09:00
I hope this comes out right - it is intended kindly...
You are very lucky. You have opportunity and you have choices. You can choose to do what you do now. Or you can choose to change.
The key is to make your images for you, and not for others.
You have time.
Highlight this Comment Sandy Wilson14/12/2008, 12:05
David,
I know exactly how you are feeling at the moment, as the fall out from my parents deaths is still affecting me after three years. I recently went to see the Annie Leibovitz exhibition with some my friends from my photo group. Half way round the exhibition there were some of her personal family pictures on the wall. One of my friends stood next to me asked what was wrong when I recoiled back on seeing a particular image on the wall. The image was of Leibovitz's dead father and it brought back in a vivid flash the image of my late father lying dead in bed. You may not know it but you are suffering post trauma of the event and that sort of hidden trauma can last for quite some time.
As far as your photography is concerned, this too can be greatly affected due to the personal traumatic events that you have recently experienced. For weeks after I could not even pick up a camera, far less make any images. It has taken me three years to be able to produce any decent and self satisfying images since I suffered the loss of my parents. I honestly do not know how my very understanding wife tolerated me going through this phase in my life.
On a lighter note all artists suffer from insecurity, you only have to look at Rothko, Gorky and Jackson Pollock – they were all very insecure artists. They felt that you are only as good as your last painting or image. To a certain degree that is true, but you have to overcome your fear and insecurity by stepping back and looking at yourself and your work. All artists go through good and bad spells at different times in their lives, and I suppose you and I are no exception here. Look at one of Britain's greatest artists , Francis Bacon and the pain and suffering he went through to produce his great works of art. Out of the 400 photographic books I have in my collection one of the books that I treasure the most is a small volume entitled "Art and Fear". This book was an inspiration to me when I felt that I was a photographic failure. It is not a photographic book but an analysis of fears about yourself and fears about others and how they find your work. It is written by an artist and a photographer to help artists and photographers when they hit the doldrums in their image making.
The book is titled Art and Fear – Observations On the Perils (and Rewards) of Artmaking ISBN 0 88496 379 9. This book helped me understand the way I felt after my parents deaths. and why I was unable to produce good images.
You are a good photographic artist, but like the rest of us you are a vulnerable photographic artist.
Even now I suffer from ridicule from certain members of my local camera club, but you have to rise above this and plough you own furrow. Like all good artists we are never satisfied with what we produce. If we were we would not be making any progress and breaking new ground.
My advice to you David as a friend is give it time.
Highlight this Comment Julian14/12/2008, 16:53
Hi David (again),
If you'll permit me to chime in again after the mildly reprimanding tone of my previous comment... ;-)
Going back to an old post where you were mentioned that somebody said of your work that you 'only do one thing', I'm starting to wonder if that person wasn't right after all. You do do only one thing - exploring the world through carefully-crafted large format colour photography. And I wonder if, perhaps, deep down you feel that you have reached the limits of that particular exploration? Maybe it's time to start down a different path?
Progress is never linear (although we like to think that it is). It proceeds through a series of revelations, interspersed with plateaux, blind-alleys and even periods where we feel like we're going in entirely the opposite direction to that intended. This is all entirely normal, frustrating as it seems. If you find yourself not making the sort of progress you'd like there are two options, as I see it. Either you work through it, hoping for a new revelation, or you seize the initiative and increase the odds of finding one by taking a risk and trying something new.
As Colin said above, the choice is yours.
Highlight this Comment adamp14/12/2008, 19:11
David,
I was truly sorry to hear about your bereavement. It is bound to affect your ability to work and "carry on as usual."
Let’s turn to the photography – probably your thoughts are indeed elsewhere, preventing you from creating. But please don't think that you have lost your magic touch. As a participant in the Death Valley tour, I gained from your inspiration and as I said to you, you managed to annoy me intensely a few times with just minor alterations to my compositions but thereby lifting them to a new level. So, you still have your “eye” and you still know how to help improve others’ efforts. Perhaps therefore it is time to just let your own creativity rest for a while and concentrate on mentoring others. Or do something quite different, be it writing (draft thoughts for the next book perhaps?) or as suggested by Robert use a different photographic tool thus forcing your mind into overcoming a new set of challenges.
Interestingly, I still remember very clearly an image you took with the LX3, fantastic contrast of colour of two tree trunks near Horseshoe Meadow. That tool certainly had you working in a different way and with your visual skills you were able to create images that few others could.
I would also like to comment on one of your LF images from the DV tour: I saw you set up and shoot Mono Grasses and thought to myself that I wish I had seen that subject before you but now I couldn’t shoot it because you were already doing so. I visualised the end image merely from watching what you were doing. Ooooops! How wrong I was! I did not expect to see blades of dancing rainbows – I thought you were going in for a minimalist image of just a few bowed blades (perhaps those at the top left of your picture) with limited depth of field. This image therefore caught me by surprise, because it is NOT what I thought David Ward would shoot! Conclusion? You do still have the element of surprise but perhaps it is resting for a while. Don't let that worry you - we all need time out to recharge the batteries!
Highlight this Comment Jason14/12/2008, 23:57
David,
I’m finding it very hard to find the words to offer you in response to your mothers passing. It’s obvious that anybody who is in your position would find it deeply upsetting; I just hope you have supportive people around you in this difficult time.
Now, not wishing to be perceived as insensitive, if you don’t mind I’m curious as to your reflections regarding your ‘work’. You do place enormous relevance on producing images to the very core of your personality, (I have to say it’s something that I find very admirable and personally inspirational, and I genuinely mean that David) and although something deeply profound has happened to you, you seem to be a little too harsh on yourself. I think I’m saying that, as from my interpretation from this text, you seem to be struggling with the very natural grieving process.
Now you may naturally want to explore any emotional life experience with your artistic mind and I’m sure in time this will work its natural course, but being too harsh on your current lack of inspiration is surely natural, considering your loss. David I feel very tentative writing this to you as it’s such a personal journey that you are on, and I sincerely hope your very public congruence isn’t wavered by my, or any other response. Your exploratory mind has certainly been pushing here and I genuinely hope that you find the responses you need.
Anyway it’s getting late and I have to get to bed. Let me once again offer my warmest regards to you in this difficult time.
You take care, Jason.
Highlight this Comment Chris15/12/2008, 00:12
David may I pass on my condolences to yourself and your family at this tough time.
David I think you need time out, to be honest. A death so close to one requires a grieving process that has no time limit. I know life goes on, however, photography can wait.
I view your images with wonder and have a respect of you on your approach and tenaciousness of the craft. You are a gifted person. But what we do with our gifts is a matter of choice. What do you really want from your photography? Is it simply to share a passion of what you see in the landscape? Do you want your images to bring about environmental awareness such as exploration, walking, respecting etc? Or something deeper? I read your books, and I know you are a deep person who wants to know true meanings of things and why we love to photograph etc. However I know from my own walk that what you are missing is a relationship with the one who created what you love to photograph. Many see photography as a "spiritual" or "religous" experience, but to me this is somewhat trivial. Without knowing the true creator of life itself, Jesus Christ, we all are forever longing, searching, wanting answers etc.
I cannot photograph our landscape without seeing the wonder and beauty of Jesus Christ. Because he has created all of what we love to photograph. I believe your gift could be used to reach people, however, not while you are without a conciousness of who God really is.
Jesus loves you David, and this is no laughing matter. We ALL need a relationship with our Lord and Saviour because without him, we all wander around, trying to fulfill our lives with things, relationships, ever searching. Your answers on beauty and creation lay with God, not man...Don't listen to man. I urge you to connect with your true Father, and ask Him into your life. Make a connection with the Lord and there you will find all your answers.
I wish you well. Remember, life is short, but death is eternal. Find true meaning to life in Jesus and I promise you true life itself.
Highlight this Comment Simon Miles15/12/2008, 13:41
Hello David,
I am not often moved to comment on your Blog, although I do drop in now and again. But I am sure I speak for all of those who know you when I say that your unique and exciting photographic vision has thrilled, challenged and inspired us over the years. I have been lucky and privileged enough to be able to watch your photography develop over more years than I care to mention. It does seem to me that you have attained a degree of maturity in recent years. I have seen common themes develop and have come to recognise the distinctive "fingerprint" of your work, and I have watched other photographers (myself included) try to follow where you lead. Perhaps, therefore, it is harder to make images that seem fresh and exciting to you, because you are refining your vision, rather than discovering it for the first time. But that does not mean you have nothing left to say or nowhere further to go. It may be that this is the hardest part of the journey for any artist. And this is obviously a difficult time for you, emotionally speaking. All artists are plagued by doubts and insecurities (I'm married to one, so I should know). But I am sure you will find your way forward and, I for one, am still excited to see the results.
Highlight this Comment Peter15/12/2008, 22:19
Distractions - I believe that son's feel the loss of their mother's more deeply than any care to admit. Distractions - work often involves very little 'image making', but contains a great deal of, phone calls, chasing, worrying, trying to make ends meet. Distractions - "what if...." there are always "what if's", they can be a blessing & yes, a distraction.
If you can remind yourself once more of your love/passion/connection with what you feel around you when outdoors, then you will find what you have been missing. Seek your soul out there & maybe someone might help you see through the 'ordinary'ness'.
My thoughts are with you...still feeling my losses...but then I was just another loving son.
Highlight this Comment David15/12/2008, 22:45
Hi Julian,
I found your comments about the course of personal artistic progress interesting and in tune with my own experience and views. I think that you're right; it may well be time for me to make a change of direction. Though I'm not at all sure that I'm in a position to know what the new direction might be or to force it.
As to my "one thing"... Well, the scope of your definition is a little more general than I feel the original comment was. You could say that as photographers we all only do one thing; make pictures! Philosophically speaking, I also don't think that I can have reached the possible limits of visual exploration of the world through a large format camera. I feel that I've just temporarily reached my personal limits of that exploration. But I'm struggling to find a new launch point for a different journey.
Highlight this Comment David15/12/2008, 22:50
Hi Robert,
It's nice to hear from you again. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful comments, they're very much appreciated.
I'm really glad that you found Landscape Beyond inspiring and sorry to hear that the weather in Hawaii is frustrating your efforts to put that inspiration into effect!
Highlight this Comment Richard Kay16/12/2008, 06:33
Dear David,
I am sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my own mother in early 2007. It is hard when it happens. And cliche or not, time is a great healer.
I just wanted to say that, as a beginning photographer, your photographs and words inspire me. That inspiration makes me do things like get out of bed a 3.00 a.m. to travel across town to get the early morning shot I "saw" in my mind's eye a month before. I would never have thought of doing that before reading your books, and the books of Joe Cornish and Charlie Waite. So, in a sense, you've opened up a whole new world of possibilities for me.
That probably isn't going to help you with your present "failure of confidence", or help you deal with the loss of your mother. But I just wanted to let you know that your work and your life has made a difference. And that people like me who you have never met before, and who you are never likely to meet, are thinking of you.
Sincerely,
Richard.
Highlight this Comment Dave16/12/2008, 09:20
David - it's not often that life closes a door on us without opening a window, or at least leaving a fire exit slightly ajar. The hard part is finding this new opening, but it will be there somewhere.
Maybe at times like this its best to focus on what we have, rather than on what we perceive we've lost.
All the best.
Highlight this Comment Charles Twist16/12/2008, 14:56
Hello David,
Your pictures have inspired me and I feel obliged to help you in return. I don't know if I can say anything that you don't already know or that others haven't already said. I will say, I believe that as artists we deliver the work of art, we bring it into the world, we fashion the world according to our beliefs and thoughts. But I often doubt that we are both mother and father - mother, yes, definitely, however, father, maybe not. Do you sometimes feel that you are guided, pushed on by something that is not withinside you, by something that is more spiritual? Do you feel that the photography talks through you (as Picasso said of painting)? Your recent trauma would have have had its effect on this channeling, even though you do say that you have been feeling less inspired for a while. If you accept this view, then you can vary the output and continue expressing yourself by changing the topic or changing the "father". Agreed, it will still be you talking (and you yourself do change albeit slowly) and the results might not always surprise you, but at least it will offer new scope. Your recent loss will change the way you talk: speaking of experience, I wouldn't fight the powerful emotions but embrace them. That's the only time I created something stirring. But that could be just me.
The one thing that strikes me is that you have made a strong case for beauty, mystery and simplicity. They're handy for a quick classification of your pictures on your website, but to what extent are they arbitrary or subjective? Are they what really drives you? It seems surprise is pretty essential to your search. I think you might have your work cut out if you actually tried to define and identify the processes which happen before you take the picture (as opposed to those which go on after the facts). Surprise definitely belongs to the after-the-facts stage. Although it may dampen your feelings for the subject, understanding why you remove or inlcude this or that in the frame and how that relates to BMS, may provide some entertainment and perhaps some insight into both art and craft. I have given myself an ongoing project where I try to understand why I photograph what I photograph. I am not saying this is the starting point for your next quest, but it may provide some inspiration. Maybe you just need to give yourself a project like the above.
Finally, I will comment on your point about how few artists create great art. Simply put, there isn't that much great art, and it is given to random people to create it. You shouldn't look at how few great artists there are, but how little great art there is. We are all capable of producing greatness - it's just so rare, it doesn't happen to everyone. But it could be your turn next. I feel I owe it to the human race to at least try.
I hope you feel better soon. If there is anything I can do to help, I am only an email away. Best wishes, Charles
Highlight this Comment Peter Cook16/12/2008, 15:14
David,
Firstly, sympathies for your loss, not much more one can say on that really.
Secondly, with regard to your creativity problems. I would say we all suffer this from time to time and several approaches might help.
You could grasp this moment as a chance to move in another direction, you may well circle back to where you are now, or you may discover a new you. You may of course end up somewhere in the middle, but try to look at this moment as an opportunity to refresh yourself.
Also you could try another art form such as sculpture or perhaps painting, don’t expect to be any good at it but its good as artists to dabble with other art forms from time to time as it can help refresh our own artistic endeavours.
It may not be possible for you as a professional to embark on such changes but if you can this could be a great opportunity for you!
I hope some of that helps, but do try to make this a positive moment in life rather than a negative.
Regards Peter
Highlight this Comment Richard Childs16/12/2008, 16:09
Dear David
After our chat last Friday I had plenty of time on my hands to mull over what we had discussed, sat as I was in a wet Tobermory for three more days.
Maybe to re-ignite your passion you do need a break as some suggest, but a change is as good as a rest. You have a passion for large format photography that has inspired so many to follow that route and you are clearly not ready to desert the 'dark slide'. Maybe you need the challenge of a new format, perhaps 10x8 or 5x7 to get your creative juices flowing.
If you truly believe that there is nowhere to take your photography from the current position take a step up and push your boundaries further both technically and creatively.
Also as many images reveal themselves after the passage of time in a given location so I believe will any new launchpad for new ideas. You cannot force an image out of a place if you are not in the right frame of mind and nor will you be able to find new inspiration by trying too hard. It will come to you. Perhaps it's time to do more of the things that helped you fall in love with the outdoors in the first place be it walking, sailing or anything else and let that inspire the next 'thing that you do'.
Sounds much like the advice you gave me two years ago!
All the best
Richard
Highlight this Comment KK16/12/2008, 16:40
Hello David,
Please accept my condolences on your bereavement. Naturally this must have accentuated the problem you discuss but you state very clearly that it predates the sad event.
The cause of any such crisis is no doubt multi-faceted and different for each individual. However I can't help observing that much of what you say is dominated by the notion of the "wow" factor or the "surprise." You couple this with the "make it new or not at all" view that dominated so much of modernist thought of the 20th Century (a view that I believe has its roots in the Romantic movement). A lesser photographer could carry on in this way indefinitely due to insufficient self criticism (euphemism for low standards). In your case a crisis of some kind was, in my view, inevitable given your starting points. Its seeds and development can be glimpsed through your two books and various posts on this blog.
Is it not just as interesting to ask if a photograph simply has something to say even if it is modest, perhaps it adds a nuance to previous work? Can it not take its place in a body of work, a sequence of some kind? To take up the musical analogy you invoke: a work that consists of nothing but one great tune after another soon palls. On this point, and relating to what Joe and many others assert, your rejection of revisiting a composition (the same landscape) goes against the practice of the very greatest artists. Think of Cezane and his mountain or Beethoven who often explored the same theme in different works. Indeed what is a set of variations if not a detailed, even obsessive, re-examination of the same theme (even of a trite "cobbler's patch" as Beethoven described the theme to his monumental Diabelli variations)? Of course each time something different has to be added the point at issue is what counts as different.
By the way your contrasting of Jazz with Classical music doesn't bear examination, but let's not get side tracked. However if you really do see yourself as an improviser then 5x4 seems an odd choice of format. Surely 35mm is much better suited to a spontaneous response. I think you set up a false dichotomy when stating "... But I think that there is a basic difference between this approach and my own. For a lot of landscape photographers these adaptations to conditions are not fundamental. They don’t start, as I do, from the position of studying the conditions and then deciding on what they will shoot." No landscape photographer worth his or her salt can take such simple binary approach to what is a multi-faceted situation. They might place the emphasis along a different point from you but it can never be so crass.
Increasingly I turn away from images made with a philosophy inherited from Romantic notions and head more for ones that are the product of a different attitude of what art can do for us. Note that here I refer to intention not to means: vista or intimate, abstract or figurative, who cares? Of course it is perfectly possible that what I find in an image is not what the artist intended (he or she might be a fully signed up member of the artist as noble/suffering hero tradition). That is irrelevant; once the work is presented it must take its chances and each viewer is in full charge of his or her thoughts and reactions. Thus I do enjoy quite a lot of work from the Romantic era but on my terms not theirs.
I wonder if you have studied John Blakemore's Black and White Workshop book. I mention this because, there, he discusses his own crisis (due to causes different from your own) when he felt that he could no longer work in the landscape. His way out is unlikely to be yours but the fact that it led him to his Tulip work is surely cause for hope. I have read the book many times by now and continue to find it a source of inspiration. Just one of many possible quotes: "To photograph and re-photograph is essential if one is to move beyond initial assumptions of what images a particular subject might yield" (p.146). Another quote made by JB, much to my relief when some people were ribbing me in a half joking manner about my fascination for Buachaille Etive Mor: "There are no cliched subjects only cliched responses." If you have not yet studied this book I strongly urge you to do so, if you have already done so then I suggest re-reading it. After all it is straight from one of the very greatest photographers.
KK.
Highlight this Comment Sandy Wilson16/12/2008, 19:13
Hi KK,
I to have John Blakemore's book, and when I mentioned I had it to photographer colleague of mine his reply was, "Why did you buy that book when you no longer have a darkroom?" My reply was, "To read what one of Britain's foremost photographers had to say about his way of making great images!"
Although I no longer have a dark room and now produce all of my images by digital means, this book is an inspirational and thought provoking book that every serious photographer should have. This book is a thinking photographer's book. Blakemore invites the reader to take from the book what is relevant to your personal practice and image making, and boy does it have a lot relevant things in it.
I only wish that someday I would be able to meet John Blakemore in person to thank him for sharing his thoughts and experiences through this book for us to enjoy.
Regards
Sandy
Highlight this Comment KK17/12/2008, 00:00
Hi Sandy,
I'm very pleased to read your comments on JB and his book. When I bought it I had no intention of working in BW. Well on Sunday I put the finishing touches to my darkroom, yesterday developed several sheets of film and this evening printed a picture (just waiting for it to finish washing so I can gold tone it; a bad habit to get into according to JB what more encouragement could anybody want).
I do own a good colour printer etc. and have no intention of giving up colour work (I do have large freezer full of Velvia 50, the real stuff, after all). But meeting JB and having the chance to learn with him was perhaps my most formative photographic experience. His refusal to be hide bound by the "tyranny of the masterpiece" (his words from the book) chimed completely with what I had been working towards; it is enough to explore, play even, and that way a masterpiece might result. If it doesn't so what? A great deal will have been learnt on the way; the enemy is complacency and facile response to subject.
I rate the book as one of the best ever written on photography. Much deeper and incisive than all those turgid tomes produced by those who wouldn't know which end of the camera to look through.
KK.
Highlight this Comment Sheila17/12/2008, 15:55
Not sure I qualify to offer advice on this having suffered from lack of confidence in most things all my life and never yet resolved the problem. I started to suffer a similar lack of confidence in my photography a year or so back and did try doing something else as others have suggested in this blog. I went snow-shoeing in Norway, bead making in Derbyshire, drawing with coloured pencils in Shropshire and studying wild flowers in Yorkshire.
But after all that I still came zinging back to photography. Had anything changed? Not sure, but I know the cogs have moved on slightly in relation to each other and my view on life has changed a bit. I see things from a different angle. I still don’t know why I am taking pictures, but I’m in a different place to where I was a year ago. So my advice, for what it’s worth is: do things, go places, talk to people and don’t think too much. But whatever you do, don’t get religion as someone suggested or I might have to excommunicate you :)
Highlight this Comment jason17/12/2008, 17:43
"Don’t think too much"...HA HA HA...cat amongst the pigeons, methinks...
Oh yes, KK I was very inspired by your last few comments and my nosiness is killing me, what’s your real name and do you have a website? I would love to put a face to the name... :0) You can email me if you don’t want to post it here, or just email me to push off and I won’t be offended honest. Jasontheaker{AT}gmail.com
And David are any of these posts helping you? It's quite clear that a lot of people care a great deal about your welfare, you’re a lucky man. However I did wonder about the thinking too much. Working yourself towards creative perfectionism does seem to diminish the opportunities to feel really good about your art, especially when you have to partly rely on the conditions being favourable to gain that reward. I’m not suggesting you lower your standards but recognise that your expectation might need to accommodate this a little. I certainly know that my original amazement at some landscape shots that I saw a few years ago I now see as average because I have changed my taste. And I miss that WOW feeling I use to get a lot more in the early days. (I do hope I’m not teaching my grandma to suck eggs here).
Highlight this Comment Charles Twist18/12/2008, 13:34
Hello KK,
I am not as au fait with the 19th century as I am with the 20th, so correct me if I am wrong. As I understand, the reason for Variations as a musical form was to demonstrate one's technical or compositional prowess. Asking David to go this route, would see him pondering a fern/window/car (delete as appropriate), and then photographing it with a variety of lenses and camera movements or maybe with a variety of backdrops. Now we do that anyway, in our heads or in fact, when we consider the subject. So I do not feel this will remedy the predicament described by David. This isn't to say that it isn't a useful exercise.
What is curious to me is that David advocates feeling for one's subject on one hand and on the other puts a lot of thought in the wherefores. The first part does remind me of the Romantics but the latter, I would say, is very much the malady of the 20th century. As Sheila said, it is a case of thinking too much. We have proven everything and its contrary to the extent we don't know what to believe and otherwise intelligent people have given flippant answers to The Big Question (Monty Python's The Meaning of Life, Douglas Adams' 42 as the answer to all answers). (1)
I think David is effectively asking the question of Why Bother. His books are advertised as being Why books rather than How-to manuals. They effectively explore the theoretical constructs which subtend his work, but do they really answer The Other Big Question? Why do we t/make pictures? What do we hope to achieve? What is a worth-while picture? I doubt there is a single answer and I for one benefit from hearing other people's reasons and feelings on this blog. (2)
To those who offer workshops, I am presuming you have already formulated answers to some of these questions, in order to justify telling your tutees how to 'improve' their work. How do they feel about your answers?
I look forward to hearing from you. Best regards, Charles
(1) Interestingly, when the 20th century used Variations as a form, they were there in order to understand something: Albers' Homage to the square, Picasso's Las Meninas (I realise they are both series of painting rather than musical works).
(2) Other questions follow. (i) Whence the impetus to create? (ii) Is there a need to make concrete our vision? This last one is not only pertinent in the age of digital recording, but is also particularly pertinent to David's question, since he tells us that he more often than not doesn't commit a picture to film.
Highlight this Comment David18/12/2008, 14:59
Hi Jason,
Hmmm, asking me not too think too much might be a bit of a tall order! Asking me to think more clearly might be more useful...
Are the posts helping me? Well in one important way they are; the comments on this entry are showing me not only that there are quite a few people who want to help me out of my predicament but also that I'm not alone in encountering such a creative block. Not that I really thought that I was alone, it's just nice to have confirmation. So, thank you all for your varied contributions – from "Pull yourself together man!" to "Find God!" They have certainly helped lift my spirits a little and given me much food for thought. In fact so much that my brain is having trouble assimilating your responses (particularly KK's and Charles Twist's) and formulating cogent replies. I do intend to reply to some of comments in more detail in the next few days, so those of you who are waiting with bated breath please bear with me a little longer.
As an aside, I hope that another good thing to come out of this will be the realisation that professional landscape photographers aren't demi-gods with unending creative powers, an unerring sense of composition and a cast iron sense of their own worth – well not all of us anyway ;-) We're human too! I feel that far too much hero worship and far too little critical thought is applied to the work of most current day, well-known photographers. Actually I suppose that this applies to most current artists and is a by product of the commoditisation of art; it's generally easier to market the work if the author is seen as some kind of visionary and all round good egg (of course there are various forms of notoriety that might help sell something). Once an artist is dead and gone they're fair game for any kind of deep analysis of their character and social mores, and it's usually only then that we get to see them as rounded human beings.
I'm off to think about things a bit more and then I'll return with some answers but probably not any solutions.
David
Highlight this Comment David18/12/2008, 15:36
Hi Sheila,
Good to see you posting your thoughts here.
I've decided that I will follow your advice and as a first stab at something different have booked myself on an extreme flower arranging course. This involves kayaking over Niagara Falls whilst juggling three chainsaws in one hand and constructing an oasis arrangement of arum lillies and white roses with the other. Marks are awarded for style. The people at the company seemed very friendly when I reserved a place but did say that the repeat booking rate was unaccountably quite low... Well, it should at least take my mind off photography for a second or two! ;-)
Abandoning levity and returning to my normal sober state, I think that your basic message that time will change my attitude is probably spot on. I can't see me abandoning photography – as I've remarked before I'm addicted to it – so I just need to be patient and see what transpires.
All the best
David
Highlight this Comment Jason18/12/2008, 16:11
David,
I was quoting Sheila with "Don’t think too much" not my views honest :-) Man, I cant stop thinking even if I wanted to. I too am obsessed with photography, just ask my wife for her professional diagnosis. It’s not good!
It's great that you are finding the responses helpful, I certainly am finding what is being discussed here stimulating.
On a very personal point, and tell me to take a running jump if you don’t like this question… but… do you get that very creative feeling of excitement when in a beautifuly natural location in fantastic light? It’s a kind of massive excitement, and a feeling of oneness to the environment. I'm not sure if its just me, but the feeling is certainly a deep connection to something, I must think more about it, but I just wondered if anybody else gets this and do the images produced reflect the feelings of the moment?
Highlight this Comment Sandy Wilson18/12/2008, 16:15
David,
I have to admire your courage of baring your soul as to your feelings at this moment in time with reference to your image making. To publish your images in the public domain takes courage but to publish your inner feelings takes even more courage, and I for one greatly admire you for it.
Looking at your more close to more intimate semi abstract images suggests to me that you have already change direction slightly away from the vista landscapes.
Here is a thought for the rest of the partisipants on this blog, "Even your failures are important". They are away of re-assessing your work and yourself, which is the way forward to better image making.
David, your hero and my hero F H Evans, if he was not happy with an image he used to put the glass plate on the floor and put his heel to it. I only found this out when a friend of mine sent me photocopies of some articles he had written for the AP mag way back in 1904. So even someone of his standing had failures and self doubts.
Making art (and particularly photographic images) is hard; for if it were easy we would all be as famous as Ansel Adams and Edward Weston etc. It is the old adage "No pain, no gain."
Here is a quote from Ernst Haas, " If the beautiful were not in us , how would we recognize it". The beautiful is in you David regardless what you say.
Regards
Sandy
Highlight this Comment Chris Andrews18/12/2008, 19:18
Francis Bacon was a troubled soul, and he was also very much into reworking themes into his work. When I went around the Tate Gallery exhibition recently I was very much reminded of David's "just one thing" blog entry. Valasquez's pope, exposed teeth, Muybridge's movement photos all appear many times in Bacon's pictures. So did he only do one thing? I don't think so.
A slight digression perhaps, but I personally find that art provides more inspiration for my photography than other photographs. So, David, in your predicament, perhaps you need to return to what drew you to landscape photography in the first place and rediscover that inspiration, maybe without a camera at all.
During the 1990's my photography got into a rut where I was going to the same places and taking the same photos. Over the course of a few years I only took one photo I liked. My first L&L trip with you to Iceland was what broke me out of that loop. The fact it took several years might not be much consolation, but as photography is your passion I'm sure there will be a catalyst at some point. Just don't despair if it takes a while.
If you are still getting enjoyment from running tours and helping others achieve their photographic vision then perhaps this is what you should concentrate on. Too much thinking and analysis can result in introspection and loss of self esteem - I've been there as well and it's not a happy place.
You might also be experiencing a "7 year itch" point with your photography. I think it's around 7 years or so since you really started on the LF landscape work you're known for, and there is a natural loss of interest that can occur at this time (relates back to primate mating patterns I'm told). If you feel the spark has gone at the moment, don't worry because it is one of the natural rhythms of life. Something will come along in time that will spark your passion again.
To add my twopenneth worth into the "what should you do" debate, I believe there is the whole area of black and white LF photography for you to explore. Learning to see in B&W, exploring textures and tones, it might just be what you need.
Whatever you do, I wish you well.
Chris
Highlight this Comment Chris Andrews18/12/2008, 19:23
Sandy
Can I recommend you check out the RPS Contemporary Group who have a Briallance of Photography event in May. Not only is John Blakemore there, but also Paul Hill as well. Two masters of UK photography and an opportunity not to be missed!
Chris
Highlight this Comment KK18/12/2008, 19:29
Hello Charles,
The Variation form predates the 19th century. While it can be an exercise in demonstrating technical ability this is not necessarily the case and certainly not in those works that repay repeated listening. Many of the greatest concertos have a movement cast in variation form. In the case of Beethoven's Diabelli variations their origin is rather interesting. The publisher Diabelli hit on the idea of getting the best known composers of the day each to write a variation or so on a theme of his own devising. He then planned to publish them and presumably count the cash. Beethoven's reaction to the theme was that it was a mere "cobbler's patch" (and indeed it isn't exactly a work of genius). However it eventually seized his imagination and he subsequently produced his great work of 33 variations. This is no technical exercise and indeed whole books have been written on the work, e.g., William Kinderman "Beethoven's Diabelli Variations" (Clarendon Press, Oxford).
My reason for citing the variations is that they are proof beyond doubt that revisiting and re-examining the same subject is one way of creating great art (and no it is emphatically not a matter of just trying different lenses/backdrops etc.). If any photographer could produce the equivalent of Beethoven's work even to a small degree he or she really will have achieved something. This way of thinking is one way of approaching work such as Hiroshi Sugimoto's sequence of Seascapes (they have to be seen in high quality reproduction at the very least otherwise all the subtlety is lost).
Your puzzlement over David's advocacy of feeling as well as thought seems very strange to me. Art, indeed human life, without feeling simply isn't worth bothering with. I will not expand on this assertion, it would take lot of space and ultimately all the words would just serve to rephrase what seems to me to be essentially an axiom about human existence. At the same time feeling without thought is not only self indulgent but ultimately very dangerous (how else do such things as racism take hold?). I agree absolutely with David that both are necessary (though I do not agree with him on the details). The notion that we can think too much is entirely alien to me; we don't think enough I'd say (of course we have o guard against blind spots but then these are usually the result of insufficient examination of assumptions).
By the way, feeling is not what characterizes the Romantics; all worthwhile art has that. What I find most objectionable about the Romantic movement is the placing of the self at the centre of concerns and, in extreme cases, as the only concern.
The question "Why bother?" is one that we can pose for any human activity but let's limit it to art. Stravinsky's response to this question in relation to music was that it enables us to pass the time better than we would without it. Not necessarily as facile a response as it seems. Unless anybody can produce an answer to the ultimate imponderable questions of existence all we can do is take as given the fact that certain activities engage our interest. Invoking God only moves the question a step back just like all other answers I have seen (including those of humanists). So really we are left with creating agreed aesthetics by means of which to make common judgements. Their creation can only happen over time and with extensive discussion (something that has occurred on this blog many times). I am not a fan of the "anything goes" tendency but neither am I a fan of rigid positions. In my view one of the most exciting things about art is that we leave ourselves open to the possibility of a shift in our own personal aesthetics, i.e., an open but not a credulous mind. In this we make better personal progress if we bear in mind the historical fact that the aesthetic criteria of one era have often been been challenged and replaced or refined by a later one.
At the risk of going on too long perhaps my personal experience is relevant. I first started photography of any serious kind around 1980. I knew that I wanted to do it but the question of "why this picture rather than that?" dogged me and within a few years I all but stopped. It wasn't till I read, much later, Charlie Wait's book "The making of Landscape Photographs" that it occurred to me that a photograph need not be seen as an end itself but rather as part of a continuing exploration of a subject/idea. Thus my crisis (though I never thought of it as such it was more of a slow descend) was resolved by precisely what David rejects. I am not thereby asserting that David has to take on the same philosophy but all the discussions coupled with a lot of thought on his part might well help him find his own solution. He will know it when it does occur to him; mine was so clearly right for me that I felt a great sense of liberation (sadly accompanied by a great depletion of my finances, this continues).
So why do i photograph the landscape? Because it offers me endless intellectual as well as physical challenges and of course enjoyment. My constant guideline is that I will always have a go and allow the possibility of failure. if so then learn and move on. In the words of one my heroes, Samuel Beckett, "Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." (not as negative as it might seem). I frequently challenge myself to make photographs that I would not normally consider. Likewise I will take the opportunity to see work that I would normally reject and dare to enjoy it. Usually I don't but every now and then a small miracle happens.
KK.
Highlight this Comment Tim Parkin18/12/2008, 23:08
Hi KK...
I just had to reply and say that was one of the most enjoyable comments I've read on a blog on a long time (and better than most blog posts I read - DW excepted, of course). Samuel Beckett's quote is most apposite and as far as learning is concerned, variations on a theme can certainly open intellectual and creative doors.
I came to the conclusion recently that the photograph is more a record of position in a journey than an isolated statement. Hence the photograph helps to position oneself in preparation for further exploration.
David, I've mentioned before that it seems to me that you take 'stream of consciousness' photography. Because of this type of approach it may be that you have less direct influence on your output than others and so your conscious goal must be to put yourself in a prime position to take advantage of the subconscious.
I would say this is an opportunity to be more socratic in investigating the types of environment that work or don't work. i.e. does working the same place for a few days work or do you have to have a continuous and changing input? What happens if you (God forbid!) take more photos? What happens if you always take a second, 'antonym' photograph?
I suspect however that the intellectual brewing of this blog post has gone further in addressing the problem than any of our answers could. Writing something down is often the answer... Which makes me think, can you achieve the same goal of resolution through taking a photograph as you can by writing something down?
However I think Chris may be on to something .. your monkey brain just wants a sexier camera... :-)
Highlight this Comment Charles Twist19/12/2008, 15:55
Hello KK,
May I concur with Tim Parkin (did I just say that?), that I found your latest contribution excellent. I will make a couple comments, but please don’t think I am being negative – I enjoyed your thoughtful optimism far too much for that.
For me, Romanticism is about heightened perception. It is about reveling in the detail and a saturation of the senses. I suppose this is why it gets caricatured as mawkishness. As you say, it can be seen as being about the self, although this was already coming to the fore in the Renaissance. I think what is interesting is that the expression of heightened perception still had to fall within the bounds of natural rendition: verisimilitude of colour and single-point perspective (within the bounds of my limited knowledge, attributes I find across the Arts during the Romantic movement). Heightened perception, yes, but within the bounds of immediate recognisability.
Parenthetically: Single-point perspective is inevitable within a single frame of a photographic still. Colour in photography is far more malleable, but on the basis of the above description, could one contend that most users of Velvia 50 – especially those with LF cameras - are at least partially Romantic in their expression?
According to my definition above (which I am happy for you to correct), the assumptions which underlie Romanticism, are verisimilitude of colour and single-point perspective. It was natural for the inquisitive mind to question these, and indeed, in due course, ways were shown in which neither were necessary. The nineteenth century put these assumptions in the spotlight; the 20th century obliterated them. This was the result of thought; was there too much thought? Since you’re a mathematician, may I say that removing the assumptions is akin to removing cartesian references in order to do better geometry. I believe this not to be productive, a bit like putting Descartes before de horse...
The loss of a referential is keenly felt in the Arts and has indeed produced an ‘anything-goes’ freedom. This is a burden since each work (or body of, more likely) must now carry its own internal reference system. I conjecture that the loss of an absolute has reduced the perceived worth of that work, giving a sense of unease at the apparent worthlessness of the results of our efforts. This is why I talked about a malady and why in some ways I think we have thought too much for our own good. I am sure that more thinking will help us just as more borrowing will help our Prime Minister (if I may be facetious). Seriously, yes, you’re right: more thinking is required in order to identify the worth of the work, but this is because of disagreement on aesthetics (not an agreement, as you write). May I say at a very personal level, that I actually enjoy the freedom granted to us and share your aspiration to be open-minded. However, as stated in the previous paragraph, I am not convinced this will yield great art.
Finally, I used the word curious maybe a little loosely (the pedants are revolting) – I meant it as one talks of an object of curiosity. Obviously, I do not deny David his right to feel and think. Quite the contrary. Assuming agreement on the definitions above and without wishing to sound detrimental, I found his mix of old-style pictures and new-style thinking curious. Please accept that I am merely writing within the particular referential of the definitions above.
Sit down, Tim, I am about to agree with you again: it is doubtful that any of the above actually helps David. However, I am grateful for the opportunity to explore the themes arising from his posting.
Best regards, Charles
PS: David: even God (the proper One) had a day of rest.So no rush with replying – all in your own time. :-)
Highlight this Comment David20/12/2008, 16:28
Hi Sandy,
Thank you for your kind words.
Coincidentally, I have a copy of Art & Fear that has been sitting unread on my bookshelf for a year or so. I guess that's part if my Christmas reading sorted out...
All the best
David
Highlight this Comment Peter Roworth20/12/2008, 17:13
Hello David
I'm picking this up rather 'late in the day' but first of all I would like to add my condolences to you and your family. Difficult times run their course but from all the above blogs there is plenty of support for you.
For me, I'm sure some of the blogs are now becoming too in-depth and analytical, although there are some sound 'pointers'. It will take time, and only you can decide which direction to take. Maybe it is the 7 year itch, maybe you are expecting too much from your images? However I guess you enjoy helping others, I know, because I attended a L&L Yorkshire Dales weekend with you and CW many years ago. The weather was bl...dy awful but it was a great group of people all chatting away with ideas, helping each other and no element of competition. You helped to contribute to that feeling, which I remember well. I'm sure you enjoy the rapport of fellow photographers, and I'm certain it would help you to continue. Maybe a couple of weekends close to home would be a good start instead of travelling hundreds of miles? Then as time progresses have a dabble at something new, B&W LF was mentioned and you have admitted to having a go with a digi-mobile phone!! At least with a digi, the effort is easy, if you like it keep it, if not delete it.
Anyway, this is only my token contribution. A spell of cold, clear weather is forecast towards the end of next week. Good for a walk, take a digi phone if you want but just try to enjoy the scenery, fresh air and maybe plan a weekend teach in?
All the best
Peter
Highlight this Comment David20/12/2008, 18:02
Hi Adam,
It's nice to know that I'm still annoying you! ;-)
On your point about the LX3, I have enjoyed playing with it but I don't consider it a substitute for my LF camera. KK suggested that 35mm or a DSLR might suit an improvisational approach better than LF. I can see his point but I'm willing to compromise on usability in order have access to the clarity afforded only by LF, with its control over perspective and plane of focus. Up until this point I have striven to make images where the technical aspects are as transparent as I can make them. This goes beyond the careful use of filtration so that it's not apparent. I've sought to make them pellucid; so that when you're staring at one of my images my guiding hand isn't overtly visible. I've wanted the experience to be as much like looking into clear, still water as I can make it.
Rigid bodied cameras have always seemed to me to have seriously compromised visual acuity. I don't just mean a diminution of sharpness but critically a lower order of control over what is and what isn't sharp. The ability to change the angle of the plane of focus was one of the reasons that I was attracted to using LF in the first place. So far I've always used this ability to maximise sharpness throughout an image to achieve the aforementioned lucidity (some of that old fashioned thinking that Charles Twist referred to!) in the vein of LF photography ever since Strand and other members of the Group f64 sought to distance themselves from soft focus Pictorialism. I did mention to Sami a couple of years ago that I was considering playing with drop focus. He was horrified! But it occurs to me that one obvious way I might move beyond my current impasse is to explore a more creative use of focus. In part this notion is prompted by my opinion that two of my better images from this year are Red barrel & Reeds and fence. Both these images rely upon a more creative use of focus.
Of course this is just a notion; as I wrote earlier in this thread I don't think that I can really force a new approach. Focus is just one possible avenue to explore.
Many of you have suggested that I should take a break from photography or at least from LF. I'm not at all sure that this will help. Henri Cartier Bresson wrote that, "A photograph is neither taken nor seized by force. It offers itself up. It is the photo that takes you." I think that perhaps the most important change I can make is to place myself in the way of possible images more often rather than less. Even more importantly I need to do this without distractions and without time pressure. I love imparting knowledge about photography, in fact I'd go so far as to say that teaching others has been the making of me as a photographer. But the constraints of my day job have meant that I haven't spent more than 9 days out alone with my camera this year. This needs to change in 2009. Don't worry, I'm not planning on giving up leading tours and workshops, just organising my life so that I can spend a bit of "me time". They (whoever "they" might be!) do say that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. And I think that if I do nothing else next year I need to get back to playing with photography.
Highlight this Comment David20/12/2008, 18:36
Hi Richard,
Thanks for reminding me of what I wrote on this blog just over eighteen months ago. Your comment does sound spookily like the advice I gave you. Perhaps I should listen to myself sometimes, but then I've always suffered a little from a "Do as I say and not as I do" syndrome!
Highlight this Comment David21/12/2008, 10:55
Hi KK,
Sorry that it has taken me a while to respond to your very thoughtful comments. Partly this tardiness was due to family and work commitments and partly due to the time it has taken me to formulate my response to your in depth analysis. Of course I'm not going to agree with everything you wrote (I feel that that would be worrying for both of us!) but I do appreciate the time and careful thought that went into your excellent posts.
I take your point about the worth of making an image not just because it is "new" but simply because it says "something". I have perhaps overstated, or at least oversimplified, my attitude to newness. When I wrote;
What excites me is the feeling that I have discovered a different way of seeing something.
I didn't mean to suggest that I exclusively seek to render some kind of absolute novelty. Even a quick glance through the galleries on this website will show that I do return to subjects and/or themes; ferns, windows, doors, barrels, old cars etc. Clearly I found something sufficiently different, something sufficiently "new", with each of these subjects to entice me to make more than one image. As you point out when writing about the Diabelli variations, the issue is what counts as different.
It seems to me that what we're disagreeing about is the degree of novelty. I'm not at all suggesting that every photograph I have to make has to be completely 'new', an obvious impossibility given the constraints of my chosen apparatus and genre. I agree wholeheartedly with you that such single minded pursuit of novelty for its own sake is pointless. It ultimately leads to desperate acts of scraping the bottom of the artistic barrel... perhaps people who photograph barrels, as both you and I have done, should be careful what they write ;-)
I think that when we're looking for images there are quite complex subconscious processes at work which alert us to "worthwhile" possibilities. I'm not for a moment suggesting that this editorial instinct always gives an instantaneous "Yes!" or "No!", though on rare occasions it does. More often a prolonged study of a subject is required before "Maybe..." pops up as a tentative answer. But there clearly is some kind of internal arbiter or we would all shoot everything that moved – or, indeed, everything that didn't! In the case of variations on a theme the decisions of the internal editor need to be quite subtle in order for us to make the distinction between worthwhile variations and worthless repetition.
I feel that my current problem may at base be a failure of this internal editing process, a lack of recognition of worthwhile variation.
I bow to your superior knowledge on all matters musical and accept that the jazz analogy may have been inaccurate.
You're also right that the difference in approach I suggest in the following passage is not polar but rather exists across a continuum.
...we need to adapt to the weather and light in order to use them to our advantage. But I think that there is a basic difference between this approach and my own. For a lot of landscape photographers these adaptations to conditions are not fundamental. They don’t start, as I do, from the position of studying the conditions and then deciding on what they will shoot. Instead, they start with a subject in mind and adapt how they will shoot it to accommodate the prevailing conditions.
However, leading over 60 workshops and tours has sadly shown me that many people do indeed make their choices based upon subject alone rather than upon the interaction between subject and prevailing light and weather conditions. If this is the case I work hard to change their attitude. But landscape photographer's do, as I've written before, seem to have an unhealthy obsession with location. This is something that I see surfacing again and again in the camera press. John Blakemore's quote about cliched responses is particularly apposite and does coincide with my own feelings. However, I do feel that there are certain places where the sheer number of previous images causes an enormous weight of connotation that is extremely difficult to lift. I don't want to suggest that it is impossible to usefully confound expectations at these locations, just that such an act would be beyond the capabilities of most photographers. Perhaps the point is that attempts should still be made, rather than – as I am wont to do – dismissing such places. Maybe this is where using a DSLR or digital compact would help one to more easily find alternatives. Though I'm not at all sure that I could contemplate changing to such "lesser" formats for anything other than making sketches.
I haven't yet read John Blakemore's book but with hearty recommendations from you, Sandy and others I will definitely be doing so. I may well attend the RPS event in Cheltenham as Chris suggests. Sadly my opinion of John's work was coloured for almost twenty years by a flippant remark he made when I attended a seminar with him at college. He was asked by a fellow student why he made images only in black and white and he replied, "Because I haven't seen in colour since I stopped taking acid..." It was only much, much later when I saw some of his incredible tulip prints at Inversnaid that I came to appreciate what a fine artist he was. Perhaps this should teach me to be more careful what I say too!
Once again, thank you for your insightful and thoughtful comments. In fact, without wishing to be at all gushy or lovey, I'd like to thank you all. I think it was Jason who asked the question, am I being helped by all your responses? The answer is yes, though perhaps not in the way that some might suppose. As Tim suggests, in a sense I write to explore ideas and if I'm lucky I might find out what I really think. It's a way of organising my notions and perhaps analysing my assumptions – though, to use a biblical metaphor, it is often easy to ignore the "beam" in one's own eye. The varied and thoughtful responses to this blog have helped me to see a number of possible ways out of my current predicament by stimulating me to think more – and in a different way – than I might otherwise have done. So, thank you all.
Highlight this Comment Jane Goodall22/12/2008, 15:05
Hi David,
I have sometimes felt that I have been in a wasteland in my research, not knowing what step to take next, feeling a lack of original ideas…
Sometimes it has taken large paradigm shifts in immunology to enable me to move forward… sometimes a scientist moves into the field from a different discipline and uses novel approaches to address questions that allow me to move forward. I am a person who makes the little steps, sometimes I wish I could see into the unknown and be responsible for making those large shifts in understanding and try to work out what is it about my approach that holds me back. It’s amazing how difficult it is to make progress in an original way. Sometimes I have had the novel answers ‘banging me on the head’ and I wasn’t flexible enough to see the different interpretations.
In art I feel it is less tangible, less quantifiable what original means but I think the issues are the same. I think I may remember (rightly?) you mentioned that everything original has been done in landscape photography. Are there only little steps to be made? I optimistically think not, given the eureka moments that the field of science experiences that continue to surprise and excite me I hope there must be some eureka moments to come in photography.
We once had a invited speaker at our immunology forum who quoted Donald Rumsfeld’s speech, it was meant to amuse but he did have a serious point about how do we progress into the unknown. How do we research into areas that we didn’t even know, we didn’t know about!
For those that need reminding…here is Rumsfeld's ridiculous speech...
"As we know, there are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don't know we don't know."
The fact is, recently in biology we have developed ways of moving forward into the 'unknown' using ways that are not purely hypothesis driven, and perform experiments that are more like fishing expeditions. The use of micro-array technology has enabled us to ‘look and see’ at how a cell is expressing its gene repertoire. In effect one ‘gene chip’ experiment, provides 30,000 different results, so it’s a BIG fishing expedition. It is not necessary to have any preconceived ideas or hypotheses, we are then driven by what we find, to pose new questions and find a new momentum. It has been a massive break though and allowed even me to move forward in my research. By analogy, does this mean thousands of photographic 'experiments' would need to be performed to enable us to move forward?
Best regards
Jane
Highlight this Comment Sandy Wilson22/12/2008, 15:21
Jason,
We are the Earth and the Earth is us. I get the feeling you are describing every time I visit the ancient places such as Avebury. To photograph these places at the right time, with the right light is electrifying. Here the past, present and future merge with one another.
I advise you that after you have made your exposure hesitate a moment or two to absorb the full potential that the lanscape and Mother Earth is offering you.
Regards
Sandy
Highlight this Comment Tim Parkin22/12/2008, 22:42
Hi Jane,
I know where you are coming from ... I used to work in mathematical modelling and the guys I worked with were geniuses. However I'd started using genetic algorithms whilst I was there (basically randomly mutating answers, keeping results that were better) and the guys had such a mental block about it. The same went for 'monte carlo' methods of solving non-deterministic problems...
Quite often when solving these non-deterministic problems, computation can get stuck in a rut and programmers include random 'perturbations' to try to jolt the system into a new free space... This sounds like just the sort of thing David needs...
So David, next time Jenny asks what you are doing you can say "I'm just randomly perturbing myself - in a non-deterministic sense of course... "
Highlight this Comment Chris Andrews23/12/2008, 12:12
Another example of this came out of the Sacred Music programme on BBC4 last night. After many centuries of people singing exactly the same thing, polyphony and harmony evolved partly as a result of the architecture of the Gothic cathedrals and the way they reflected the sound back. Some bright spark realised the potential and started experimenting with ideas. A giant leap forward, down to a chance event, that opened up a whole new world of music. The idea of not having harmonies in modern music is unthinkable.
There is an evolutionary parallel as well. Although the time scales of evolution are exceedingly long, change itself happens over relatively short periods. It is usually some sort of catastrophic event that opens up the world of new possibilities for new adaptations to flourish.
Malcolm Gladwell's The Tipping Point talks about the need for connectors, mavens and salesmen to cause an epidemic, but the original thought needs to come from an innovator. By the time the populous have caught on to what the innovator got excited about, they have moved on to something new.
Delving into the "unknown unknown" territory can be disconcerting, particularly for people who like certainty and predictability in their life. But for those people who thrive on such challenges there is scope for innovation and discovery, which helps to push people into new fields, new ways of working.
David, I think your work over the last few years has been innovative and has influenced myself and many of the other readers of this blog. Perhaps seeing other people doing what you pioneered is an issue?
Highlight this Comment Sandy Wilson23/12/2008, 14:53
Hi Jane,
You sound a very intelligent switched on lady and are doing research way above my head!
One of the biggest misquoted phrases in photography is, "It's has all being done before". This not only applies to landscape photography, but all other photographic subjects also.
Jane I must say "Yes, it has all been done before, but not by you". Each one of us is different and we all bring something different to our photographic image making, because of who we are and our personal life experiences.
As I stated earlier in this blog making art of any sort is hard, including photography. The best kept secret of art making is that new ideas come into play less frequently that practical ideas, This makes the eureka images all the more exciting and satisfying to ourselves and others.
I have a Thinking Model technique; I use a small note book for when I get ideas in my head I jot them down. This leads to other ideas for image making and occasionally the eureka image brought about by further processing the original idea that came into my head. The technique defined is creative processing, turning abstract ideas into a concrete physical reality.
Regards
Sandy
Highlight this Comment David23/12/2008, 18:50
Hi Jane,
Thanks for an interesting description of progress in an alternate field of human endeavour. The art world and the scientific world have much more in common than most commentators would have us believe and I feel that the parallels you suggest are very relevant. One of my favourite popular science books is called Paradigms Lost. It gives many examples of the process of incremental progress interspersed with infrequent giant leaps forward that you describe.
I don't believe that everything has already been done in landscape photography but I feel that we are in one of those phases that you write about where incremental improvements are taking place whilst we wait for some genius (or more than one) to come along and show us a new way of making images.
Some think photography’s scope limited because it is shackled to reality in a way that other visual arts aren’t. To me, reality doesn’t seem such a simple or banal subject. Despite my current problems, it is inconceivable to me that less than two centuries of making photographs would have exhausted all possible avenues of visual enquiry. Beyond the inherent complexity of reality there are at least two other reasons for why there's still room for visual exploration.
Firstly, as tastes and attitudes change within society so subjects that were previously ignored become worthy of representation. The work of individual photographers may mirror these changes or may be revolutionary, opening our eyes to new possibilities and causing a wider change within society. Before Ansel Adams, for instance, few had thought to celebrate Nature devoid of man. He was not only largely responsible for the foundations of the current mainstream aesthetic approach to landscape but also influential in the development of the nascent American environmental movement from the 1930’s onwards.
The second reason is that technological changes also engender changes in photographic approach. For many landscape photographers the most obvious recent case of this was the The Golden Age of Velvia. In contrast to the earlier approach of photographers such as Eliot Porter, this revolutionary emulsion produced a new emphasis on saturated colours within the landscape work of photographers such as Michael Fatali. Who knows what new approaches might yet be opened up by digital photography?
Are we re-interpreting old themes or is there anything genuinely original? Does it matter?
Old themes in art are always revisited and reinterpreted by each generation. Whether it matters or not depends upon whether anything new is learned by the artist or by a wider audience. It is a worthwhile exercise for the individual if they achieve new personal insights from their visual enquiry which allow them to grow as photographers. Whether it is worthwhile for photography as a whole depends upon whether an individual can reveal new insights to a wider audience by a genuine reinterpretation.
As to originality, it is by definition rare and rare things are always hard to find. The majority of photography (as with any other visual art form) is derivative.
The imagination of individual photographers is the main limiting factor in photography’s development. To make truly original images the photographer needs to see the world afresh, to make their own exploration of the visual realm rather than to copy the work of others. Good photographs spring from a fundamental sense of enquiry in the photographer. Only then might a photographer make truly original work. Individual enlightenment through photography is always possible; photography’s power to produce a wider enlightenment depends upon the genius of an Edward Weston or Diane Arbus or Sebastian Salgado. Not impossible, just rare.
I cannot say what new visual realms remain to be discovered in photography but look forward to seeing the work of genius that will open our eyes to new possibilities.
As to thousands of experiments being necessary for progress, they are already happening! Every day thousands of people make landscape images, each image has the potential to move our perceptions forward and to advance our art. Although the digital age has given a public stage to the derivative, mediocre work that I described above it has also provided a huge resource of worthwhile images for people to study and perhaps to find inspiration for new directions.
Highlight this Comment David23/12/2008, 19:00
Hi Jason,
I do sometimes get that sense of deep connection that you're describing so you needn't worry about alone! It is a deeply moving experience and one I look forward to feeling again soon.
Highlight this Comment David23/12/2008, 19:19
Hi Chris,
It is very flattering for you to suggest that my landscape work has been innovative. I'm not at all sure that I agree with you. I think there are many antecedents to my work, most obviously the work of Eliot Porter – who could more justifiably be described as an innovator.
Do I feel in some way disturbed that others have supposedly chosen to follow my modest lead? I honestly don't think so. I feel certain (as certain as one can be of one's own motives! ;-) that my discomfort springs from my self critical approach and maybe a degree of boredom rather than as an adverse reaction to other people making images in a similar vein to mine. In any case, as I don't believe that my approach is that original, I don't feel that I could possibly be justified in getting miffed with anyone else making similar images!
I should perhaps correct you on your earlier point about seven year itches and wishing to try a younger, sexier camera or at least to spice up my artistic approaches... I've been making intimate landscapes for around a decade now so either my sense of time is warped (entirely likely!) or I didn't feel the need to scratch when I was supposed to ;-)
Highlight this Comment Sandy Wilson23/12/2008, 19:35
David,
I read an article just yesterday in the letters page of the Amateur Photographer magazine. The letter asked the question, what would Henry Peach Robinson have been able to produce if he had access to Photoshop?
This is a very interesting question as I have personally examined his original image of the Lady of Shalott close up, looking for the joins of the separate combination negatives, when this image was on display back in 1989 at the RA London. It was in an exhibition commemorating 150 years of photography.
Any thoughts or comments?
Regards
Sandy
Highlight this Comment David23/12/2008, 19:40
Hi Tim,
I think that Jenny is much more likely to think that I'm randomly disturbed rather than randomly perturbed... ;-)
Highlight this Comment David Tolcher28/12/2008, 18:05
David,
I have been away and not picked up your blog for a couple of weeks so sorry for the belated addition. Sorry to hear of your news.
My two pennyworth on the photography side of things is that it was inevitable that you would feel this way at some point so accept it as a positive rather than view it as a failure in some way. You have gone up the S curve and have reached a plateau. One thing to be sure of is that it has happened before, will happen again (and not just in photography) when your own goals have been met - it happens in life, work career, hobbies..... Recognising it can make it easier to manage but no less painful.
My own photographic journey was interrupted for about 5 or 6 years when I found that all my insect photographs were formulaic, dull (to my eyes) and no longer giving personal satisfaction. They were consistently high quality, sharp, good light, well composed etc. but... I sold all my gear (big mistake) and didnt pick up a camera again until I rediscovered my joy some years later. I now only occasionally (2 or 3 times a year) photograph insects but when I do the old magic is still there. I have been going strong on landscapes (with LF and digi-snapping) since 1999 now but know that the next horizon for re-invention is not that far away...
Consider a D700 or 5D with a couple of tilt/shift lenses - it is as close to spontaneous LF photography as you can get and you don't always need a tripod. I fear your staleness is deeper than that though and would only be temporarily fixed by a change in technology. A break or a new challenge is more likely to be needed.
Warmest regards
Dave
Highlight this Comment Paul Arthur31/12/2008, 10:26
Dear David
I thought I would drop you a line about your recent blog entry, as I am very sorry indeed to hear about your mother and the troubles you are having with your photography. I don't think that there's anything useful I can offer in terms of any solutions to your problems, but I thought I would just offer my take on a few things and above all offer my sympathy.
I found your singer/songwriter analogy very interesting. You probably don't know it, but Helen and I both sing as a sideline away from our jobs. We enjoy singing because we are able to work on the music (like composition of an image), interpret what the composer has written (the music being like the landscape we would try to capture on film) and to make improvements to the way we sing it (improving on previous images). The process of rehearsing is a very large part of the enjoyment, but only really when it results in a cracking performance.
About a year ago I found I wasn't enjoying the singing any more. I found that through tiredness and lack of interest in rehearsing that not only was I not enjoying working through the music, I wasn't enjoying the performances at all either as I felt that I was punching well below my weight.
In the end, the solution came about after a few months off. I wasn't so tired any more, I changed jobs which meant that I was speaking less and my ability to appreciate the music for what it was returned.
In your blog you say that the "craft" of creating an image doesn't really inspire you, but capturing your vision does. I'd say that this is pretty similar to what I experienced in that my perception of underperformance meant that I wasn't motivated to rehearse properly and the underperformance became self-perpetuating... I found that I just didn't really have the energy to add to the performance to make it a great one rather than a passable one. If you don't have the energy to realise your vision, you won't achieve what you want, and then you feel even worse.
What made the difference was a bit of time off from it, doing completely different things, to let my appreciation for the music reset itself.
I wonder if this could be the place to start for you?
I know you've got L&L courses to lead, but why not completely leave your kit at home (or at least in the van) and ignore it... just enjoy the outdoors instead.
You also said that your problems pre-date your mother's passing. My memories of last January is that you were already having trouble then with things, and that you weren't that happy with what you were producing. I think that spotting that is key, because it means that you can heal both things independently rather than relying on one to fix the other.
As for my photography, when we met first I remember saying to you that I was fed up with making copies of the work of others, I felt that I wasn't actually creating anything worthwhile, but recreating something someone else had done. You changed the way I approached photography, by making me appreciate different ways of making images (i.e. looking at how others got their inspiration or how they at least created something interesting) but then working out how I wanted to make an image, not how they would have. I find the images you create to be very inspiring, but most inspiring of all the way you are determined not to settle for something that simply looks pretty. If you can't inspire yourself at the moment, I hope at least that you know that you inspire others.
Richard Childs suggested you try a change in format, and Helen (the wife) and others suggested you try some B&W... I've found that my appreciation for gadgets and my new 6X17 camera has made for some really interesting times over the last few months... fancy a 6X17 B&W competition???
Anyway, I hope things improve soon....
Best Wishes, as always
Highlight this Comment David O31/12/2008, 13:45
Dear David
This excellent blog needed to make it to 50, so here goes.....
I offer no solutions (sorry!) but some thoughts on how I - as an outsider - see your photography. I think there are 2 general points which spring to (my) mind - first, the claim to originality and second, (your) exacting standards.
In terms of originality (and I accept this can mean many things - composition, technique etc.) it has been said before I think on a prior blog that, more often than not, it is not possible to say where you made the image. You never seem to take the "classic" view and while others are looking left, you are probably looking right, seeing something else than moves/motivates you. Your appreciation of nature and how to record it reveals itself every time I look at one of your images. I peruse many photographic websites which are a collection of images which are mostly readily identifiable (terrible English, sorry, but you know what I mean) and taken together can be viewed as a variation of a theme, a mostly similar theme but for the most part and generally put, unoriginal. (In some ways, I blame photographic workshops for daring to take the amiable punter to "the right place" at "the right time" with everybody pointing their camera at the same view!....;)...). Your images, on the other hand, are, in my view, original in that they are novel, thought-provoking and, simply put, different. I would suggest humbly this is no accident, of course.
Your standards are high/demanding (many would make an image where you would not). Having read your books, they could be viewed as a manual or treatise encompassing a vast array of considerations at play in your image-making. Not all considerations, it seems, need to combine before an image can be taken but they do help to explain, to some extent, "why" you make images. Having written this all down, does this have a constraining effect on your image making, a "rules-based" approach to photography which raises an expectation for those who view your images?
Your ability to "see an image" never ceases to amaze, an almost innate talent which you won't lose. However, I do think that you may have created an approach to your work which others (well, me at least) may find overly constraining. However, that said, should you "change"? (Whatever that means) - I don't think so and even if you wanted to, could you? Out of the 10 images you uploaded from DV, I went "WOW" 9 times (sorry, nobody's perfect!). So, in terms of the viewer's response (mine), job done.
My only recommendations would be to get out more, think less (oh, were this to be possible!.....:)) and give all your Leonard Cohen albums to Jenny.
In future, I intend to look right.......so, job done.....again.
Happy New Year to you and all your readers.
Cheers
David
Highlight this Comment Doug Chinnery02/01/2009, 11:15
David,
I felt I had to respond to your comments following your mothers death coupled with how you feel about your image making just now.
You have my sympathy on the loss of your mother. Mine is still alive and I keep thoughts of losing her out of my mind. I don't know how I will feel when she is no longer here. It is hard for me to put myself in your shoes, but it is a sad fact of this life that we all lose ones we love and somehow we keep going. The pain receeds somewhat with time, but there will always be a sense of loss and perhaps regrets over things said and done, or not said and not done.
You have a gift, David, to capture our wonderful world. You have a gift to teach others to really see the world and capture it themselves. I hope you will long use those gifts because it would be a sad day when we didn't have new images of yours to enjoy.
I hope you get through this difficult time in your image making soon, David. Perhaps the image making will be therapeutic? Perhaps a short period of inactivity will refresh your vision. Whatever, I am sure you will come out the other side.
It is not for me to offer advice, but having said that, I suppose I am now about to!
I get that feeling of having done all I can do when I am on my local patch, viewing a scene I have made images of many, many times previously. When that happens I throw a spanner in the works.
I will just go out with my compact camera. I will go out with just one lens and no tripod - often a bizarre lens choice to make image making hard. Or I will go with no camera and take a novice friend and focus on helping them make an image to be proud of - trying to see the scene through their eyes.
Go somewhere different David, a city, a local refuse tip, try shooting portraits, or grab a digital SLR and just for a while do something totally different - maybe the change will help the healing. Perhaps the return to Large Format will remind you of why you make the images you do? Maybe not. But it may be worth a try?
One day, I hope to be able to come on one of your courses. Even though you are struggling with your image making, I for one find you inspirational and hope and pray you will continue to inspire us and that you will be happy and content in your image making.
Highlight this Comment Elizabeth05/01/2009, 00:27
David,
Reading through this blog you seem to have thought things through very clearly.
You recognise that your mother's death will have far reaching effects and that your dissatisfaction with your photography preceded that.
It sounds as though it's very unsettling for you not knowing in which general direction you're heading. It was interesting that at the Discovery Day when the guy in the audience gave Charlie, Joe and yourself challenges for the coming year you seemed the most resistant to change - perhaps it was the specific challenge?
Somehow I don't see you ever being satisfied with a lack of vision. Perhaps the accommodation part will be that you accept that it's not there right now.
I love the image of the Lael flower - to me it looks as though all the leaves are hanging on to each other waiting for one to jump before they all go - a scary place to be!
You could always become a Munro Bagger - soo much fun rushing up and down Scottish mountains to tick them off your list - apologies to those who choose to climb Munros and take time to look about them.
Time will tell - and various other cliches but it sure is a drag living through uncertainty.
It will change, that is the only advice I can offer.
There are loads of us out here who have enjoyed your vision so far and I for one look forward to seeing where it will lead you in the future - and I can "do" good waiting - deferred gratification even.
Go easy on yourself; it's very early days yet.
Highlight this Comment Emma Jane Rothera07/02/2009, 04:30
Dear David,
I came on your site this evening to have a proper look at your work for the very first time! I then came across your blog entry and reading it brought a tear to my eye which has then compelled me to respond.
I am 31 years of age, a professional landscape photographer, also a wife and a mother to a young son.
I felt moved because I could indeed connect with many things you were saying in regard to your work at present. I think creative people constantly question their work and themselves. They often beat themselves up about things because they are striving for perfection in what they do. No-one is exempt no matter who they are or what they have managed to achieve.
You talk of your Mother's passing and your sometimes stormy relationship with her, I do not know you or your mother, so cannot comment upon your relationship. But what I do know, more strongly than anything else being a mother myself, that a mother's love is unconditional, it stretches to infinity and beyond, stormy relationship at times or otherwise, she would have loved you with all her heart. That's what mothers do, all they want for there children is very simple, to be healthy, happy and follow their dreams.
I find positives in everything you are saying about your current struggle with photography, just the fact that you are taking the time to write so honestly about the way you feel says to me that you are still very passionate about what you do, although you may not know it or feel it at present.
You talk of the fellow photographer that made the remark "That's how I would have expected you to have made that image" Obviously that remark has effected you badly, but what is wrong if that is how they would have expected you to make that image. That says to me that you have indeed conquered the sometimes impossible and created a style that is widely recognized, your own trademark.
You ask yourself questions about constantly reinventing yourself, don't we all ask ourselves these questions. I looked at your work with fresh eyes and found it inspiring and truly beautiful. One thing I wish I could do with my own work, see it with fresh eyes. We look at our work and scrutinize it to the final degree that we can no longer see what we were trying to achieve when we took that particular image. When I feel this way, I strip away everything and transport myself back to the moment when I took the shot, the elation I felt as the sky turned and practically exploded in front of me, the way the light lit up the landscape and blew me away into another world. What my eyes saw at that particular moment in time, sometimes the most beautiful thing I thought I had ever seen.
I think what I am trying to say to you during these dark days, is don't give up on what you are trying to achieve. You have to ask yourself why you became a photographer in the first place. If you indeed are like me, it is because the passion and love of what you do took over everything you know and that led you down that path. Landscape photography I feel is mainly about light. I can honestly promise you, you will see the light again. It will perhaps take sometime, but don't ever give up because as long as you are questioning, you will go on and on to achieve greater things. The day you look at your work and are truly happy with what you see, is the day you have achieved everything you set out to achieve. Only then it will be time to hang up your boots.
Please don't be sad, you have a lot to offer the younger generation, people like me who are still striving to achieve. I bet your mother was proud as punch of you. (a Yorkshire phrase) She would only want you to be happy and I am sure she wouldn't have wanted you to question your talent in this way.
I think you have a creative block, but it will pass in time, as sure as the sun sets in the West.
I am ending this piece now, but would like to offer my condolences over the loss of your mother and can only end by saying that time is a great healer, the only healer. The light will find you once again!
My kindest regards
Miss Emma
Highlight this Comment David Owen25/02/2009, 21:11
Perhaps you are divorcing vision and craft a bit too much - you may have considerable mastery of your expressive medium, so you might try changing it in various respects and seeing how that affects your vision. Why not revisit the history of photography not in term of image but equipment - at a basic level, try a pinhole camera, work with a Brownie, and let this inform your reconnection with your own equipment. And always keep in mind, s.129 of Wittgenstein's Philosophical Investigations:
"The aspects of things that are most important for us are hidden because of their simplicity and familiarity. (One is unable to notice something - because it is always before one's eyes.) ... And this means: we fail to be struck by what, once seen, is most striking and powerfully."
best wishes and condolences
David
Highlight this Comment Ed Cooley13/06/2009, 00:46
Discontentment, loss and discouragement are usually the seeds of new beginnings.
Hind sight is 20/20 but struggle is the adventure that usually defines us.
I'm hoping your vision and success continually improves.
Ed
Highlight this Comment Claudia26/08/2009, 12:39
1,If you are in love emotive photographs will ooze from you. Failing this you could try getting very fit.
2,Read The psychology of art and the evolution of the conscious brain by Robert L Solo. You will enjoy reading this and it might offer you an insight on where you gain inspiration.
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